MURPHY

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Murphy Fenix doesn’t really remember his parents. The Society ran the Protected Level differently in the beginning. Murphy and his wife were apart of the first generation of Synthesizers. They lived with their parents until they were 4 years old, and then they grew up in Sanctuaries until they were 16. As fresh sweet sixteens, they underwent I.D. Synthesis being evaluated every 3 months. Then at the age 20, they selected their gender, sexual orientation, and spiritual practice.

A couple of years after he finished his IDS, the process changed over the span of 10 years. How the process works now was finalized a few years before Jon was born.

Unlike Jon, Murphy never got to see his parents. It was complete separation from their parents for the Collective of 52, believing parental bonds could influence who children decided to become. However, majority of Society members from Collective 52 suffered from severe depression and did not complete I.D. Synthesis. To date, most of the workers in Sanctuaries are from Collective 52 remaining inside a gender neutral environment.

When Murphy left the Sanctuary, he was given an occupation he had to keep secret. He would say he worked as a janitor in the Law House, located behind the wall in the Private Sector. A black car from behind the wall would come and pick him up early in the morning as the sun rose, and dropped him back off at his apartment late at night, after dark.

He remembers the first day he crossed the checkpoint of the wall and ventured into the Private Level. It was his second day amongst the Society. He just spent a wild night at the Lounge with his roommate Gabriel. At the time Murphy was attracted to men and therefore, hooked up with different bulky, manly, men every night. On his first night though, he brought home the most beautiful woman he ever saw. Her outrageous beauty and enchanting charm swayed him to spend one night with her. After that, they agreed to be friends not feeling any chemistry between them. She fast became his best friend.

Behind the wall, there are trees, grass, space from building to building, and smog-free blue skies. Everything looks pristine and presentable. The sidewalks and the streets are so clean at times it seems fake. It was that way back then and it is the same way now.

The sun fully rose and took the sky when the black car pulled up to the Philosopher’s house. Chief Philosopher Silas Angelcrest was and still is considered the wisest man when pondering the state of humanity and directing a path for humanity’s future… Silas’s father, Hugo Angelcrest, was one of the founding fathers of the Society and continues to serve as Chief Policymaker.

Silas was single at the time and lived alone. The man’s black hair went down to his shoulders. He wore beaded bracelets and a beaded necklace. That day he wore a bright red tunic with a golden dragon on it. He did not wear any shoes because he was in a season of groundedness, where his entire being needed to connect with the force in his surroundings. He claimed to feel a connection with all things, living and inanimate.

The first place Silas took Murphy was to his study and explained why Murphy was there…

‘You’re here Blanco (Murphy’s Sanctuary first name) because you tested to be a deeper thinker, connecting with the deep universal truths without being taught them. The Panel and I know you’re destined to be a part of the elect, but it is up to you to choose that path. I will take you under my wing. I will share my wealth of knowledge of wisdom with you. And if you pass your training, if the Panel accepts you, and if you choose this path, then you will become the first Philosopher from the Public Level.’ Silas said with an effeminate tone. He talked with hands whenever he got the chance. He was a very bright person. If personality could be colors, he would be the rainbow with a touch of sparkles.

They began right away. Often, Murphy would be up to his head in books for reading assignments. Murphy’s reading go so extensive that Silas would allow him to spend weeks at time in the huge manor. After a year, Silas made a room for him to stay when wanted to, which was all the time.

The remaining six months of Murphy’s I.D. Synthesis, Murphy (who then was Blanco Fenix, a caucasian, homosexual, spiritual man) confessed he was in love with Silas. And even though it was unethical they proceeded to have an affair.

Then a month before Murphy’s IDS was to be finalized, he was reading the Holy Bible for an assignment studying “The Limitations of Morality for the Stability of the Psyche”. He came across an old testament scripture.

Leviticus 18:22

22 “ ‘Do not have sexual relations with a man as one does with a woman; that is detestable.’ ” (NIV)

Leviticus 20:13

13 “ ‘If a man has sexual relations with a man as one does with a woman, both of them have done what is detestable. They are to be put to death; their blood will be on their own heads.’ ” (NIV)
Reading these scriptures infuriated Murphy. He deeply desired to tear the pages right out of the old book, but he didn’t want to risk going to prison for destroying Silas’s irreplaceable property.
He once liked Abrahamic Literature. A part of him wanted to believe in the God of the Bible, even though it was forbidden, but after reading how the God of the Bible would order his death for him being who he was… he then hated the Bible God.
He began having nightmares about a place of fire. The heat hot enough to melt his skin, yet his skin never did. He would cry in agony so intensely he gnashed his teeth, bitterly angry that no matter how much he pleaded for help, no one came to save him.
One late night, Blanco forced himself to stay awake in the study, sitting in front of the fireplace, watching a real fire burn. Silas came in to check on his pupil, his love. When Blanco told him about his nightmares, Silas responded back, ‘You’ve been reading too much ancient history about hell, hades, sheol, the place of death, or whatever you choose to call it… Fill your soul with positive things.’
When Blanco asked what hell was Silas chuckled thinking the young man was joking.
Blankly, Blanco stared at him innocently. Legitimately unaware of a mythical or religious place called hell, Blanco asked Silas to explain what the place was.
However, Silas suddenly got uncomfortable and very irritable. The corner is right eye flinched, which happened when he was frustrated. He said to Blanco, ‘It doesn’t matter. It’s not real.’ He took Blanco by the hands and pulled him off the ground. He reeled Blanco close to him and asked, ‘Come spend the rest of the night in my room.’
Taking two steps away from him, Blanco asked a random, out of nowhere question, ‘You’re never going to marry me are you?’
Snapping loudly, and annoyed to the point of spitting as hollered his consonants, ‘YOU KNOW I CANNOT MARRY YOU. YOU KNEW SNICE OUR LOVE BEGAN!’
Weeping, Blanco fled the manor and ran to the wall desperate to get as far away as he could from Silas, from the cause of broken, confused heart.
Back at his apartment. Alone in his room, he sat at the foot of his bed. All the Bible stories where God would visit them in a vision or in their dreams… Deep in his heart, Blanco wanted to encounter the God of the Bible.
When he managed to fall asleep… nothing happened that he could remember.
Like all other mornings when he didn’t spend the night with Silas, the black car came to pick him up during sun rise. This time, however, Blanco didn’t get in the vehicle. The self-driving ride stayed parked outside Blanco’s apartment complex for days. Days where Blanco sat on his knees pleading to the God of the Bible, asking if He was real.
Day by day, Blanco changed the way he dressed, the way he talked, the way he thought. He would recite portions of scripture he remembered. ‘Be still and know I AM God.’ … ‘Jesus said, ‘I am the way, the truth, the life’… ‘In the beginning was the Word and the Word was with God and the Word was God.’ … ‘No light can extinguish the darkness’ … ‘He is my shepherd, I shall not. Though I walk through the shadow of the valley of death, I shall fear no evil’… Day bay day, hour by hour, he began to believe these words.
He may have been held up in a white walled room, with a twin bed covered in white linens, and day and night he prayed on a cold, white tile floor, on his knees– but the more he believed the Word he felt like he was on top of a mountain peak, looking over a beautiful valley with a lake. He no longer felt alone. He felt this constant peace and an overwhelming warmth in his heart. He just knew… the God of the Bible was real.
One day, there was a knock on his door while Gabriel was at work. He had three days until his last IDS evaluation.
An old man stood in the narrow hallway and asked, ‘Are you Blanco Fenix?’
Hesitantly, Blanco nodded his head yes.
‘Have you ever heard the Gospel?’
Blanco shook his head, not because he didn’t hear that word, but because he did. He also knew, what happened when that word was spoken out loud, in any language, across the world… well, the world that remained. He shook his head wanting to protect this old man. Who was hunched over, frail looking with very wrinkly skin, and cloudy eyes.
Blanco wanted to warn the man and to tell him to go, but Blanco made contact with those cloudy eyes that once were all dark brown. The sense of pure love that emanated from them, captivated Blanco’s heart. If he remembered his father, Blanco imagined that gaze was the stare of a loving, proud, father. It was odd to miss someone you had no recollection of, but that was Blanco every day, he missed the man who was his dad, but he couldn’t remember what he looked like, or the sound of his voice.
The old man told Blanco the Gospel in the simplest form. Every person is born a sinner. That’s just the truth. Sin keeps people apart from God. Jesus, who is God- the Son of God, came as a human, born of a virgin, fathered by the Holy Spirit. At the age of 30, he started healing broken people, sick people, helping the poor and needy, feeding the hungry, taking social outcasts and giving them a new crew, and bring the dead back to life. Three years later he was put to death on a cross, naked and scared he died a shameful death charged as criminal though he was innocent. This act was taken as a perfect sacrifice by God, and in that moment God forgave every person that ever lived, was living at the time, would live. Three days later, Jesus came back to life, and forty days later ascended to heaven saying he would come back again, but with an army to destroy all that is bad and make everything good. The catch was, to be apart of this, was to believe, and to accept Jesus came and died for the sin of the world, that Jesus died for you and for me, for anyone who may believe. Once you believe in your heart and confess that Jesus is your Lord and Savior… then you are forever apart of God’s family.
Right as the old man said, ‘Murphy, do accept Jesus as your Lord and your Savior?’ the law enforcement came and violently apprehended the old man. Three armored officers tackled him to the ground dog-piling on top of him. When they stood up, the old man lied limp and twisted on the ground, laboring to breath. One officer snatched him by the foot and dragged him away across the floor. As the officer yanked the old man down the stairs, he wailed in deep pain. Blanco knew horrible torture awaited him.
The two remaining officers asked Blanco if he believed what the man said, using advanced technology to check if he was lying based on heart rate, voice pitch, basal temperature, and eye pupil dilation. The technology was built into their face masks.
Blanco could feel every drop of sweat drizzle down his forehead. His heart felt like it was beating in his throat. He was terrified to confess yes, but he felt like it would be wrong to say no. He didn’t want to lie anymore. Yet, he didn’t want to die. In that moment, he wondered if heaven was real or a state of consciousness like he was taught in the Sanctuary.
‘No,’ Blanco said.
The officer standing on Blanco’s left said, ‘His readings are on the cuff, but he’s probably shaken up by what he saw… I think he’s telling the truth.’
The other officer agreed with the once that shared the face mask scans. Then they left.
Blanco went back to his room and he looked at himself in the body mirror that hung on his door. He remembered reading a book on the Gaelic language. He remembered that Murphy means Sea Warrior… Then he wondered in his mind why God would name him Sea Warrior. Then he remember Jesus told his disciples he would make them fisher of men… God saw him. God was calling him to spread the Gospel to the Public Level. The old man, like a loving father, gave his life for Blanco Fenix… for Murphy Fenix.
Three days later, Blanco Fenix returned to the Sanctuary where he was raised. He took his last evaluation. The evaluator asked how the young man identified, he said, ‘Murphy Fenix, a caucasian, heterosexual man, who is spiritual… and I will marry Jaya Patel, the most beautiful woman in the world…’
FINDING JAYA
Seven years, a hundred and twenty-three days, fourteens hours, and sixteen minutes after his final IDS Evaluation, Murphy found Jaya in the most fated away.
He was cooking dinner for his ex-roommate Gabriel and his husband and their girlfriend when he sliced his finger open and had to be rushed to the Emergency Healing Center. As he and his grossed-out dinner friends were waiting for him to get seen by a Healer and an apprentice, when Jaya came in with a medic team bringing in some pretty battered up people.
She looked rugged, worn out, and exhausted and her hair was in a frazzled messy bun, and she wasn’t wearing any makeup, but Murphy knew it was the same beautiful woman from nine years ago, his first one night stand he ever had.
He leaped out of his seat and shout her name across the waiting room just as she was disappearing to the healing corridors. The sound of her name made her come back out into the waiting room. She stared at Murphy without a clue as to who he was…
He rushed over to her and exuberantly pleaded, ‘I know I seem like a total stranger but we do know each other. May I have permission to kiss you?’
‘No!’ She gasped fretfully taking a huge step back from him.
‘Right… creepy question… well, can we meet somewhere for coffee? I don’t drink. But we slept together – you know – had sex – nine years ago and lately, I keep thinking what would have happened if we ever went out on a date… May I take you out on a date…’
‘If we never had another night that meant I felt no chemistry with you, what makes you think that would change in nearly a decade?’
‘I’m different.’ He said gazing deeply into eyes, feeding all the chemistry he could muster in pure awe and fascination of her.
‘I prefer tea… cold tea… why don’t we meet at the Sailor’s Barge…’
THE SAILOR’S BARGE
A few days later, they met by the marina, at the Sailor’s Barge. She had iced tea, fish and chips. He got coffee and a burger with egg on it. Not only did they keep going back for every date, abstaining from sex until they were married. The Sailor’s Barge became their favorite restaurant.
Because for those who believed in the God of the Bible, during the bar hours, believers would gather in the basement, and study the world of God together, prayed together, and worshipped together. Over the years new members would come in after the bold faith of past member led the new believers there. And instead of morning the tragic loss of their martyred member, they would cling to the hope they would see them again in paradise, and thanked God for the new members to join their ranks in the battle for souls.
Two and half years ago, Jon came home to be with Jaya and Murphy. Six months ago, he left their home to get his own place. He works as a Janitor in the Law House behind the wall. He is engaged to be married to Gwendolyn Angelcrest… who meets in the basement at Sailor’s Barge twice a week. She writes new verses down from the Bible in her dad’s study and makes copies. She brings them to the basement group for members to pass out on the streets to those the Holy Spirit leads them to give scripture to.
Seeing them together makes Murphy think of him and Jaya… Jon has become the man Murphy prayed for him to be. He was never tempted with same sext attraction. He found God at a young age. And he found the right woman for him immediately after finishing IDS.
THE CALL
In the middle of the night, Murphy woke up suddenly panicked by the vision he had in his sleep, but when He prayed for strength, he found the courage to get up and to get dressed.
Jaya woke up and asked what he was doing.
He said, “I must go take care of something very important. I love you forever and beyond, Jaya.”
Gasping as fresh tears pooled in her eyes, she covered her mouth with her hands to muffle her scream. She furiously shook her head. Then she latched her arms around his neck and weeping with heavy tears.
“No, no, no, no, no, no… noooooooooooo,” she hushed just below a whisper.
“I have to go. I can’t be late.” He ripped her arms away from around his neck and he held his wife’s face in his hands and kissed her tear covered lips. As he broke away, her grief caused her to collapse on her face into the bed covers that buried her legs. She laid there bent with her upper half sandwiched with her lower half.
Murphy showed up to the spot of his vision. He waited under a street lamp, across from the popular Lounge where Synthesizers and Elects mingle in the landscape of the night scene. He wanted to see the person whose soul was worth his own life. He kept thinking about Jesus… bruised, beaten, scarred and marred hanging on a cross for him. The blood dripping from His side. He thought about Jesus drowning from the fluid in His lungs with a caved in chest. He thought about Jesus being mocked for being who was… the King of the Jews… the Messiah. Murphy thought about Him bearing the sin of the world and becoming sin all for this future moment… so that Murphy would know Him, and love Him, and to make Murphy a man willing to die so someone else may know Him… This was the heart of the Father- to give up everything one has for another with one’s own life, life being the most precious treasure one can own.
Murphy waited for his signal and once it came, he took a deep, and in his head he said, ‘Here I come Jesus! I’ll see you soon..’

 Author’s Note
As I wrote this last part of Murphy’s story… I had worship music playing and I was balling as I typed the last two paragraphs. I’m a typical American. I love my life and I want a good one. When things get rough, I act entitled and go, “Why me God?!”
But Jesus said the greatest thing one could do for their friend is to give their life for their friend.
Sure, I would die for my family, for my best friends, but would I die for someone I haven’t even met yet.
We know God is all knowing and growing up in church, I would hear sermons about God knowing everything about us and having a plan for us… which I believe is true.
But on judgement day, the Lord will either know us or He won’t. What if He doesn’t think about anyone and activates a plan for their life until they get witnessed to or someone prays for them.
Honestly, I don’t understand how God does it. I know He is good, the word says so, and I know He is love, the word says so… But I can’t understand what it is like to be perfectly just and to be perfectly holy… In my human understanding, I think it’s wrong for someone to go to hell just because they didn’t know Him. I can understand if they rejected God after hearing about Him, but what if no one ever told them about Jesus?
Maybe God has plan for that and took care of it, but there’s nothing in my Bible indicating this that I have found… so I can’t live my life based on a small margin of possibility. I must live my life on what I know the word says. The truth is Jesus is the way, the truth, and the life. Jesus is who the Bible says He is, and the Holy Spirit affirms that. There are no deeper truths. Jesus was not #WOKE like the New Age Movement says. Oprah is wrong about Christianity. Jesus was more than just a teacher and a good prophet. He is my Savior. He is my Lord.
I’ll confess I’ve been so ashamed to right this story. I’m afraid people will misconstrue what I’m doing here. I’m afraid of getting attacked by people who for the LBGTQI Community.
I still live in a time where I can write a story, based on a thought, and I can share my beliefs. I would rather someone gets offended hearing the truth than to adore my stories on their way to hell.
The crazy part is, from age 8 to age 20 I felt like a boy. I had dreams about dating famous actresses. Intense, visual dreams at that. And I almost thought I would be stuck being a single, lesbian Christian woman because I couldn’t find enough support in the Bible that God made a mistake when I was born a girl.
Now, I proclaim a very different narrative. I am a woman, and boy, lately I got real desires to be married to a man so pray for me y’all!
And no, I never felt judged by the church because no one knew that I struggled with gender dysphoria. I didn’t even plead with God all the time to be free. I pretended to be a man in my imaginary word, and in my made up stories… That is how I coped with a reality being stuck as a woman that tormented me day and night… Then, as I matured in Christ Jesus, I got to a point I couldn’t take it anymore… I needed to embrace my desires to pursue becoming a man or I needed God to change me.
I prayed on election night, in 2012 – deeply troubled and in a moment God set me free. Since then, I have not lusted after a woman nor have had any dreams about being intimate with women. November this year, will be my 7th year of freedom and I believe God has something really special in store, because it wasn’t until last year around this time that I actually felt like a woman… I know… it doesn’t make complete sense to me either… It took six years to restore me into who he designed me to be from birth. God created the world in six days, and on the seventh day he rested in celebration… My seventh year of freedom is going to be my year of rest and celebration!
If you identify with the LBGTQI Community or support the community. Feel free to message me and we can discuss whatever you would like.
I also believe though you’re reading this story for a reason. Someone, somewhere in the earth is praying for the eternal destination of your soul. It’s no so much about where you’re going but who you know. Past the the thorns of religion and religious people is a God who loves you and is so committed to your freedom, He asks you to do something crazy and to give your whole life to Him.
Is your life easy now? Probably not and if it is, you should be worried… This life is meant to be a battle, but it’s important to end the war on the winning side. The victors are with Jesus the Son of Man. What God would call themselves the child of humanity? In its historical context, a Son of Man in Hebrew refers to someone called by God to be the hero for people. But I like to look at it like this… Jesus would have no purpose without humanity needing redemption. The state us in our sin gave birth to his humble entrance into the world and his walk on the earth that led to Him saving us! He may be God but He wouldn’t be our God without our need of Him.
In Revelation 4, it mentions God created us for His enjoyment. Not to torture us. Satan does that. But to enjoy us as sons and daughters. Join the family today by believing Jesus died for you, rose for you, and saves you from your sin nature. Now go tell three people you accepted Christ Jesus as your Lord and Savior and welcome to the family! Find a church family and use a Bible App until you get a Bible. Read the word, it’s the only sure way you can get to know God quickly.
Feel free to message me with questions and for prayer.

GWENDOLYN

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She raised her champagne glass amongst her closest friends and said, “Here’s to 18 you ponies, I’m finally free!” The gals, guys, and nons toasted to her declaration by clanging their champagne glasses against each others. Then they sipped on the top dollar champagne Gwendolyn’s points could buy.

The Lounge was the place to hang out for the Synthesizers and the Elect (the unemployed and/or in occupation training for the Private Sector) in New Haven Public. The Night Club sat on the edge of the Public Sector, right at the walled border of the Private Sector. Inside, the walls were gray washed wooden panels. Jade marble floors with various cracks of gold. From the ceiling, hung green and clear glass bottle shaped lights that made it just decent enough to see two feet in front of you.

There was a long, black countertop bar to sit at, with black cushion top stools, on silver poles styled like barber chairs, bolted to the ground. In the center of the club, were black sectional lounge couches and chairs, with glass end tables to set drinks down. In the far back corner, across from the entrance and far from the bar, was a good size dance floor that had strobing, flashing neon lights pulsing to the beat of the music.

Monroe, Gwenie’s fabulous queer male bff, snuggled up beside her at the bar on an adjacent bar stool and asked, “Who will be joining us in the bedroom tonight?”

“What do you mean us?” Gwen smirked sipping on her bubbly treat in a glass.

“We always hook up on your birthday… it’s tradition. But you’re 18 now, so we have to make it interesting. No offense, but I’m bored with just you and me.” Monroe explained.

Eye-ing a male-like brunette at the end of the bar, wearing wire, aviator style eye-glasses. Who Monroe picked out was definitely Gwenie’s type male or female, but Gwenie wasn’t sure who she wanted to take home tonight.

She just broke up with Ness, who was the longest romantic relationship she had. Granted, it was only three months long, but she only had sex with Ness, which is huge because Gwenie didn’t believe in monogamy, but Ness did. They’d still be together if it were up to Gwendylon, but Ness decided at her final ID Synthesis Evaluation she was heterosexual, not bisexual. And although she was madly in love with Gwenie, she wanted to fall in love with a man.

Maybe it was best they broke up. Gwenie was fascinated with the Synthesizer process. As an offspring to a Philosopher and a Healer in the Private Sector, she couldn’t undergo ID Synthesis even though she really wanted to.

It used to be under debate during the Digital Age, Pre-Age-of-Chaos, that gender was psychological. Then they discovered for some people, it was biological. Shortly thereafter, regardless of what science had to say, gender became decision no matter what one’s psychological view of themselves was or what one’s biological make up was. What one decided to be gender wise, whether that was thought, feeling, or biology, that was what one became, and whoever had the money to pay for the process to transition, did.

That’s when everyone got the idea to raise theybies. Parents raised their kids to be gender neutral and let them decide around the age four or five what gender they wanted to be, and then just before puberty, they would begin the process to transition from one gender to the other.

Years later, this led to mass suicides, along with young people dying of sudden heart failure. The hormone therapy the trans kids would take as children, severely damaged their hearts, and later in life they needed heart transplants or they died of sudden heart-attacks. Suicides occurred because they regretted their choices from childhood. They wanted to transition back, but they either didn’t have the money or when they did, they were unsatisfied they still weren’t their gender from birth… they were eunuchs and not intentionally.

Because of this dark history, and because the Private Sector was the future of the Society, the kids were raised the gender they were at birth. Now, if a child was born as both sexes, the child was taken from the parents and placed in a Sanctuary amongst the Protected to undergo ID Synthesis later in life.

Now, Private Sector Kids weren’t discouraged from exploring their sexuality, but there was this expectation, they would get married, and have heirs to carry-on the legacy of their families. For the kids who identified more as gay or as lesbian, usually chose to be bi. They would marry the opposite sex, but would have any type of gender partner on the side. Polygamy was legal, but more of a Public practice than a Private one.

“Ooo, it looks like Mr. Delicious showed up after all.” Monroe said referring to Jon.

Gwenie leaped off the bar stool and stood on her toes waving to Jon outrageously. She called out to Jon. He noticed her and made his way across the high end lounge to greet her.

Quickly, she hugged him lingering a long time. Monroe joined the hug, but Jon jumped when Monroe groped his butt and that made the trio disperse.

“Who are you?!” Jon spun around to face Monroe, “And how do you identify?” He added holding out his hand appearing frazzled from being touched without giving permission.

“Sorry,” Monroe cringed. Lightly shaking Jon’s hands by the fingers, “I’m Monroe, Gwenie’s BFF, and I’m a black queer man, who is a bisexual none.”

“I’m Jon. A-,” and without getting the chance to state how he identified, Monroe interjected.

“A Synthesizer. I know all about you honey.”

Gwenie angrily glared at Monroe.

“And that stink eye is my cue to go. I’m gonna get my pony-butt out of here and go talk to that fine young man over there.” Monroe headed over to the brunette conquest he pointed out to Gwenie earlier.

“I’m sorry about Monroe. He has no boundaries. Both of his parents are Policymakers so he never has to worry about fines or convictions.” Gwenie’s excuse for her friend’s behavior didn’t make things less awkward. She held up her glass to Jon, “Care for some champagne, it’s on me?”

“No thank you.” Jon answered.

Gwenie sat back down a little disappointed. Jon politely took a seat beside her. He added, “I’ve been reading some ancient texts about how sacred the body is and we shouldn’t poison it with gluttony and by drunkardness.” Jon clarified why he said no.

“Have you ever gotten drunk, or high?” Gwenie questioned.

“No.”

“You have had sex though, right?”

“Yes.”

“With more than one person?”

“No.”

“Well, that can change tonight… if you want it to?” And not letting him answer, she grabbed him by both hands and dragged him over to the dance corner. Once they crossed the sound barrier the music blared so loud it was hard to hear one’s thoughts. It was amazing how technology worked nowadays. The entire lounge was quiet so people can hear each other talk, while the dance corner looked like people danced under lights with no music. After crossing the shield that looked like the air in the space you were in, you broke through the sound silencer, and stepped into the party scene.

Gwenie made sure to dance provocatively with Jon, and he didn’t mind when she groped him in places she had no business doing so. But when she would get close to him, he would back away.

She understood he was her father’s apprentice, and if her father ever caught Jon on top of her naked, Jon could kiss his training goodbye. Though Jon was training to become a Philosopher, he wouldn’t be a member of the Private Sector until he completed his training, accepted onto the Philosophy Panel, and sworn in by the Policymakers. That meant he couldn’t touch Gwenie naked for a while. She actually wasn’t sure how long the process would take. A new Philosopher hasn’t been sworn into the Panel for over 20 years, way before her time.

Jon fled the dance floor and escaped to the bathroom. Gwenie found a couple of other guys to dance with, which one of them or both of them, were going home with her tonight. If she couldn’t have Jon tonight, she was going to have someone like him… well… at least some type of manly male.

KYL

Who was Gwendolyn kidding? She found the best deal. Male in appearance, but still physically a woman. Gwenie couldn’t let her BFF down either. She chose Monroe and the brunette, Kyl, to come home with her for the night. Though Kyl played along with Monroe, it was obvious the whole time he was into Gwenie.

Monroe, wasn’t a cuddler, so he saw himself out after the fun was over. Kyl, however, stayed and snuggled all night.

They stayed up talking for a while. His six month evaluation was in two days, like Jon’s. And all he could talk about was Nix, his best bud from the Sanctuary. Nix was who he lost his virginity to and though he didn’t like having sex as a woman, he loved being with Nix. He didn’t understand why, it confused him.

“That’s because you’re in love with Nix, duh.” Gwenie stated the obvious.

“But Nix could never love me like this and no offensive to him, but I won’t love him as a man. Not my type at all.”

“When do you get hormone therapy?”

“Not until my final evaluation, after I complete ID Synthesis. I have to be confident of my choice.”

“So, you like being with women and you consider yourself straight?”

“I have for the last six months… but every once and while there are some guys that are just gorgeous… I don’t get why we have to live with labels.”

“They tried living without labels before… remember? It led to total chaos!” Gwenie giggled. Kyl joined in the laughter.

“You maybe wouldn’t let me take you out on a date sometime… would you?” Kyl asked staring at her eyes locked on each other as they lied there on the bed facing inward.

“I told myself I wasn’t going to date Synthesizers anymore. My last relationship ended badly… plus… I could see myself falling for you hard…. which I don’t think is bad.” Exhaling, Gwenie sat up bringing her knees to cover her chest. “But my brother Garrison is married to a former Synthesizer and though Bailey is a woman now-,” freaked out Kyl cut Gwenie off as he jolted to sit up.

“Wait, Bailey Angelcrest is your sister-in-law?!” Kyl panickedly asked.

“Yes…”

“Bailey’s my sister!” Kyl hurried out of the bed and quickly got dressed to leave.

“Relax, were not related… no big deal…”

“No, it’s not that… But she might think I hooked up with you on purpose to piss her off.”

Curious, Gwen lied down on her stomach and bent her knees, crossing her ankles in the air, and she asked, “Why would she think you would sleep with her sister-in-law to piss her off?”

“She came to me last month asking me to donate my eggs to her.”

“Freaky! My brother came to be asking if I would be his surrogate last week. Not like any time soon. After I like get married and have my own kid or something. Still not seeing how us having sex conflicts with their plans?”

“It doesn’t… It’s just family is really important to Bailey and if we ever got to a non-talking basis, it would really upset her.”

Gwenie slowly got up and sat on her knees wrapping herself in the blue sheet. “Then how about we don’t date and we don’t hookup again. No one has to know this ever happened.”

“Okay.”

REUNION

Holding hands with their fingers intertwined, Gwenie escorted Kyl to the door. The front door opened unexpectedly as Jon rushed inside, abruptly colliding with the two. Immediately, Kyl expressed immense joy to see Jon and leaped to wrap him in a hug and to kiss him on the cheek. Gwenie observed how Jon wasn’t offended by this man hugging him intimately.

Still lingering in their embrace, Jon mentioned it was very good to see Kyl, but he referred to him as Lore.

“My father isn’t up yet. Why don’t the two of you go to the sitting room and catch up?” Gwenie suggested.

“I have to set up for my session with the Philosopher. I-,” Jon tried to make excuses, but Gwenie took them away.

“I’ll take care of it. I’ll get Helga to bring you some coffee.” Gwenie said glaring at Jon making it clear he would sit with Kyl and catch up.

Reluctantly, Jon handed his army green messenger bag to Gwenie, and he took Kyl by the hand and he led Kyl down the hall to the sitting room.

Gwenie observed how feminine Kyl was with Jon as to where Kyl was quite masculine with her. Maybe Kyl wasn’t male or female, maybe he was gender queer…

KEEPING PROMISES

Upstairs in her father’s study, the largest room in the entire mansion, was filled from the floor to the ceiling with shelves of books. The was also an additional room with hundreds of servers only Philosophers had access to for their studies, and the offsite access portals were carefully guarded in each Philosopher’s home. It was said the world’s history of perspectives on life, was housed in the homes of the current Philosophers. After all, it was their duty to give the Society guidance on how to live life, and to offer a compass of morality to a growing grave gray world.

Gwenie pulled the sacred text out of Jon’s bag that he was assigned to study. Holy Bible. She was shocked her father let it leave the house. At one time, the Holy Bible was the number one sold book in the world, and everything in it was believed to be true or used to understand truths about the human psyche. Two old religions used the Bible or some form of it. Judaism and Christianity. The Qu’ran was written after the Bible, though there used to be debate about that. But Islam was hijacked from Christianity and Judaism, and it was a very different version of God depicted then in the other two religions. Though Judaism didn’t accept Christianity, Christianity was an extension of Judaism. The Bible caused a lot of famous wars throughout the history of humanity.

Gwenie was not supposed to know this much about the Bible. She’s not allowed to touch it, let alone look at it. Every Bible and any variation of it (Judaism and Islam Texts) were destroyed and only one copy of each translation was kept, divided amongst the Philosophers.

She thought it was strange the Bible seemed weathered and used. The edges and corner seemed charred like it was pulled from a fire. That was when Gwenie noticed the Code and Conduct of New Haven Philosophers was in the bag too. That leather bound book was crisp and fresh, looking like new. To play it safe, Gwenie stuck the Bible back in the bag, and, but the book that was clearly her father’s she placed on the desk.

Then she hung his bag on the lone standing, black iron coat rack, by the door. From the closet, she pulled out two yoga mats and laid them on the floor by the fire place. On the mantle, she lit the incense, and told Plexa, the House A.I., to play meditation music and to dim the lights.

As she walked by the coat rack, going to leave, the lights flickered, the music cut off, and the messenger bag fell onto the floor open, allowing the Holy Bible to fling out and to flip open. Pages from the ancient text starred up at Gwenie resting at her feet. Curiosity drew her to take a knee before the ancient book and to peer inside. The words nearly jumped off the page as she read:

God so loved the world that he sent his one and only son to save them. That whosoever should believe in the son, should have everlasting life. For he came to save the world, not to judge it.

Her heart raced extremely fast causing blood to rush to her head, and causing her temples to pulsate. An energy she never felt before, even while mediating, invaded the room. It was different than all the other energies. It was electric, yet warm, and it was peaceful.

What does it mean to be saved? She thought.

Then suddenly she felt like an awful, wretched person who needed to be recused from her filthiness. Though she couldn’t define what it was about her that was dirty, but she felt stained to her soul and she wanted her soul made clean.

Not really understanding why, she whispered, “Son of God, save me. I believe in the son and that he came for me.” Freaked out she covered her mouth with her hands. Then she recalled a memory from her childhood.

A memory of her grandfather, her mother’s father, who was also a Philosopher. One day, he came to visit, just after Gwenie’s sixth birthday. He was arguing with her father about a new policy in this very den. The door was cracked open and she listened from the outside in the hallway with her brother.

Her father got upset and fled the study angrily. Gwenie and Garrison remained hidden to avoid punishment from their father. Garrison ran off to his room once their father made it down the long winding staircase, but Gwenie boldly went inside to see her grandfather.

When the old man noticed her, he hunched over to meet her eye level. She hugged his neck and kissed him on the cheek. She asked him what the fight was about. As he stood back up he sighed, and said, “Well, mankind is trying to erase God, and well, frankly, I don’t want any part of it.”

“Who is God?” Little Gwenie asked.

“When you’re older, the Philosopher’s will tell you God is the Universe or some collective consciousness inside of you. That you are a god and that meditating and spirit guides will help you find life’s answers… But that’s just making the latent power of your soul strong so you can’t hear the Spirit of God to learn the truth.”

Little Gwenie understood nothing the old man meant, but she asked a simple question anyway, “What is the truth?”

“That there is one way to God and it isn’t within yourself. His name is Jesus, He is the Son of God, and when you believe in Him, He saves your soul. Until you know Jesus, you’re a Sinner… a dirty person not clean enough to spend forever with God. But because God loved us, and still loves all us dirty people, he sent Jesus to save us. And when we believe in Jesus, we aren’t judged to die, we are gifted eternal life, which is a life beyond this one.”

“Oh…” Gwenie tried her best to get it.

Surprisingly swiftly, her grandfather picked her up off the ground and rested her on his hip. He looked at her face to face, “If you ever read the truth, and the Spirit of God shows up, trust your heart and believe in Jesus. You may lose your life here, but you’ll gain your life forever, and trust me Gwenie, it’s worth it. Promise me you’ll do your best to trust and believe when the Holy Spirit invites you to know God through Jesus?”

Connecting with her present reality she realized what was happening. As her heart said yes to the truth, yes to the Son of God, and yes to the Spirit of God, the all encompassing energy went from around her to being inside of her, and how dirty she felt on the inside disappeared and she felt clean.

A euphoria better than an orgasm on molly flushed her whole being and a giant sense of peace filled her soul to the core. She had never felt like this in her entire existence! She wanted to tell everyone about this Son of God from the Holy Bible, when a still small voice said, “Not yet… you must fulfill your ministry before you can tell anyone you believe.”

And she wasn’t creeped out by this voice. She knew that she knew that she knew it was the voice of God. Hurriedly, she picked up the Bible and stuffed it back in Jon’s bag and rehung it on the rack.

The meditation music started playing again and she left the room.

Jon looked like a happy little kid on Xmas Morning. He took Gwenie by the arms in the hall and shook her excitedly, as he exclaimed, “Lore wants to stay friends! We’re meeting up at the Lounge tonight to be wing-buddies!”

Gwenie brushed his arms away by swooping her forearms in a circular motion. “Do you even know what wing-buddies are?”

“We share me wings and drinks… I don’t know. I don’t care. I’ve just been pray-,” Jon suddenly fell silent. He stuttered to finish his thought, “I me- I go- I do- I- I-…” he sighed.

Gwenie patted him on the stomach and said, “Enjoy some wings on me, I got a feeling you won’t soar as a wing-buddy. Your game is weak.” As she walked away she brushed her pointer finger from his stomach to his back and followed her instinct to trace a fish-like symbol of his left shoulder behind his heart. “You’re all set up in the study,” she added.

Quickly, he turned to face her and his eyes bugged out, “You’re a be- be-,” he stuttered again.

Gwenie put her pointer finger over her lips and hushed him to keep their secret. That was her way of telling him she believed in Jesus. She didn’t know why it was important to him, but she just knew that it was. She winked at him as she spun away from Jon.

The Philosopher came out of his room, separate from the Healer, dressed in loose soft tan pants, and a white V-neck T-shirt. His graying black hair put up in a man bun. His gray and white beard long like Santa Claus’s full. As usual he was barefoot with teal nail polish on his toes. He wore beaded bracelets that matched the burnt orange prayer beads around his neck.

As Gwenie passed her father by, she stopped to hug him and to kiss him on the lips. He said good morning to her and wished her a happy day. When he saw Jon in the hallway, he snapped in his sassy, effeminate voice for Jon to meet him in the study.


Note from the Author

Soon I’ll post a video about what happened between Part 1 and Part 2 that isn’t written to read.

I’ll confess…I brought Jesus into this faster than I originally planned.

If you have any questions, feel free to comment or to send me a message. I kindly ask you keep it as positive as possible though, yet still being honestly you.

See you for part three next week!


 

Let’s journey on the faith track for a bit.

I’m not a stranger to Jesus, the Son of Man. As I read miracles in the Bible I believe He can still do miracles. I’ve asked and I’ve seen God work miracles in my life…

Yet, lately, I’m having a really hard time believing God for some things right now.

My dad needs a miracle.

My mom needs a miracle.

My brother needs a miracle.

My grandmother needs a miracle.

My uncle needs a miracle.

My cousins need a miracle.

My best friends need miracles.

At this point, I could care less if God ever gives me another personal miracle.

I’m super analytical. So immediately, I think about all the reasons why these miracles haven’t happened.

My father doesn’t believe God will help him.

My mother is on her own walk with God.

My brother is rebellious.

My grandmother is missing the mark on the call of God on her life.

My uncle is a prodigal.

My cousins need to be saved.

My best friends are going through tests and trials with the Lord.

Now, I admit I know nothing and I’m probably wrong, and if I am right… I saw Jesus work plenty of miracles for imperfect people. It was His perfection that healed them. He was obedient. He was in tune with the Holy Spirit. He was the vessel acting in faith and doing miracles.

And Apostle Paul is like one of my favorite examples in the Bible, but he said to imitate Christ Jesus over him.

Lately, I’ve thought about how Jesus was always praying and pressing into the presence of heaven. And we can say this was/is so easy for Him because He was/is God, but He clearly lived a human life. What if He ran to God in prayer because the presence of heaven was like eating a whole carton of ice cream and an entire pizza? What if being in God’s presence was where He ran when the temptations and anxieties of life became too much for Him?

Then if He could do it, can’t we then?

That’s why we read the Word and we believe every bit of it in our hearts, right? So nothing in this world can satisfy like the presence of heaven?

Now, we must be careful to not covet heaven that we become spiritual fruit loops and nobody on earth can relate to us. Pastor Rod Parsley says that we shouldn’t be so heavenly minded that we’re no earthly good.

When we go into heaven over load mode, we’re trying to escape the woes of this life, and Jesus didn’t set that example. He showed that we charge the troubles of this life and we let heaven become the remedy in the midst of that situation.

I have a knack for seeming like I know what to do in any given situation. But when it comes to kingdom business, I don’t have a clue without God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit giving the directions, dropping the revelation, and showing up and showing off!

Yes, I can easily keep a defeated mindset and wonder if these miracles for my family will ever happen, or I can read the Word, and pray to God, and trust in time these miracles will happen on this side of heaven, down here on earth…

It’s easy to type this confession. And it won’t be a challenge in my heart, if I set my gaze in the right place… on Jesus and the Word, not my circumstances.

Now, it’s perfectly healthy to acknowledge when I’m sad and when I’m hurt and when I’m angry, but the key is not to moved by the emotions to the point it determines my reaction. I need to respond like a soldier in God’s army, which often means going to God in prayer or in worship. I don’t need to reach for the remote or eat a box cookies or eat two dinners in the middle of the night… My comfort needs to be found in the Comforter (the Holy Spirit), not in my comfort foods.

TV, Movies, and Food are what I run to sometimes instead of the presence of God. They never fully satisfy like God does… More and more I’m running to Him instead of these things that only offer temporary relief. I love music too, so I try not to run to my worship playlist.

I wrote this whole thing fighting tears and listening to a bunch of strife in my household tonight… maybe I ran away from the chaos into this blog post searching for peace… All I know, is that I want lives to be changed and transformed. I want to see the Gospel manifest in the lives of those I love. Not to prove that Jesus is real, because I know He is real. Simply because I want people to be free, for that is the only way we should live, and it is an injustice to be chained in bondage our whole lives.

Pray for me saints as I pray for anyone who reads this post.

If you’re not a believer, I think you’re on your way to becoming one. Why put it off, when you can believe RIGHT NOW?!

Truth is hell is real. Truth is hell will be eternity for those who don’t choose Jesus the Messiah in this life. You can ask God later why hell is real. But today, you can believe that Jesus died paying for your sins, sins that Adam and Eve passed down to you through their disobedience. And you can give up your nature that is self-seeking and self-destructive, and undergo a life-long process of how to become humbly, selfless to the point you look like a mini Jesus to people. The Holy Spirit will empower you to live such a life. You’ll have ups and you’ll have downs, but through it all, you’ll know all is well. And on the other side of heaven, in eternal paradise, you’ll enjoy forever with God, me, and many more saints. All you have to do right now, is believe Jesus came for you, died for you, and when He rose from the dead made you alive with Him forever…

That was easy, right?!

I suggest reading the Bible now. The Hoy Spirit will teach you everything you need to know. So will a great pastor at a church you’re meant to be at, and as will other leaders and mentors and fellow saints.

Your fellow brothers and sisters in Christ are as broken as you, so when one hurts your feelings in church, go to them and resolve the issue. Take the high road and let it go. Don’t expect them to take your side. Like, forgive them in your heart before you go to them.

Then next, find out why you’re on this planet and what God has called you to do. Then go through the process to fulfill your destiny. No one can say how long it will take, but enjoy the ride day by day because you only get one life. Also, you’ll never fully arrive, so you might as well enjoy the little things as they unfold into bigger things!

And when you reach a point, when you don’t see God coming through in some areas… don’t fall for the lies or base the possibilities on your feelings. Like God came through for Abraham and Sarah, God will come through for you!

Also, your actions are important. Think very carefully before you do anything, unless, you believe God is instructing you… His guidance you just do, and trust me, how things turn out will show you if it was God or not. In my personal experience, it is mostly God.

So what do you do… when you can’t see the miracles? Serious question, drop your thoughts in the comment section.

Much love,

Bri

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“Four years ago, I can attest Luke Joshua Torwalt was born 7 lbs., 6 oz., and 19 in. tall in the Valley, Arizona. The Torwalts are the lead pastors at Faith Rising Church and they are full gospel, Pentecostal believers, and to this day I’m blessed to be a part of Luke’s like as ‘Mellie’.”

The auditorium erupts with applause. Happy to hear about the happy ending, to the personal testimony of Best Selling Author, Melanie Gartner Begay.

“And doctors say my ER visit was a misdiagnosis, because I did not have a vanishing twin. The placenta proved it.” The crowd explodes with various hallelujahs and praises to God. She adds, “I’m a firm believer God gave me back my baby because I asked Him to.” She smiles at everyone with her face flushing bright, lobster red. She lowers the mike and sets it in her lap crossed at the knees, where she sits center on a stool with a back rest.

Her husband, seated in a matching stool beside her, grabs her free hand that sports her sparkling, very visible diamond ring. He lifts the grill of his mike to his chin and takes over the spotlight, “Does anyone have any questions for my wife… or for me… since her book sort of is the story of us…”

I stand up raising my hand. Risking, looking like a total fool. With a shaved scalp, a full beard, and glasses on, I’m certain neither of them can recognize me.

“Yes, hipster that just stood up.” Mr. Begay calls on me.

“Melody states in the last chapter, neither of you believe in missionary dating, but did not missionary dating lead you both to salvation?”

The young Navajo man chuckles. He cracks his neck by jolting his head sideways and then back upright. “Uh… As she explains in the book, God is Everloving. His love is unconditional, continuous, ever present, all encompassing, constantly pursuing us because He has the singular goal of having a relationship with us, His way. Yet, He is such a gentleman, He pursues us by wooing us, and He uses any method we give Him permission to chase us. By grace and probably a little luck, Christ encountered us through a person we dated.” He gazes at Melody, completely spellbound by her, madly in love with her, and gives her a peck on the check. Majority of the audience gushes over the public display of affection. “And I got to ask that person to marry me. Thank God she said yes!” The crowd nervously laughs with the couple.

“To add to what Colton said…” She raises her mike back up. She gulps and explains, “Now, I obviously didn’t marry Asher, but it took his love for me to open up to Christ’s love for me…” She falls silently and stares at me. The look on her face is the classic expression of the Holy Spirit downloading fresh information into her spirit. “Sir, could you take off your glasses?”

I think I’ve been discovered. I comply interested to see where this will go. The moment I do, Melody gasps, leaping off her stool. “ASHER LUCAS!” Everyone reacts in various ways. Some are excited, others are confused, by some facial expressions of audience members they think this was planned, and Colton leaves his wife’s side and hurries up to me. He nearly trips half way up the steps by not paying attention to his feet, but he grapples me into a hug and the NBA’s first Navajo point guard won’t let go.

“How could you sneak in here all incognito?” Melody asks from the front of the lecture hall.

Rubbing my shiny head, Colton asks, “What happened to the curly fro, Bro?”

Colton holds his mike to my mouth for the whole place to hear my answer, “I was tired of everyone commenting I had chick hair.”

Taking the mike back, “So you’re not prematurely going bald?”

“No. I’m not.” I confess.

“Asher, can you come down and tell everyone why you d—,” she pauses and then she murmurs, “Okay Holy Ghost…” Again, she re-asks me, “Can you please join my husband and I upfront and explain why you did what you did?”

Following behind Colton down the stairs, and the crowd goes crazy with excitement, I think to myself: God, your sense of humor astounds me. Colton was my best friend in Sanders. He was convinced he’d never go anywhere or do anything with his life. He didn’t even want to go to college. Then he becomes a Mormon. Goes to Brigham Young for free and plays basketball. Helps them win enough to make it to the Final Sweet 16 in March Madness his Freshman Year. He convinces Melody Gartner to date him before being the number three draft pick and playing for the state of Utah. While they’re dating he rededicates his life to Christ.

Because yes, that is what Melody did, she went to Brigham Young not believing an ounce of Mormonism. At her graduation, she gave a speech preaching the true gospel and nearly everyone there dedicated their life to Christ. The Dean of Students and the Chancellor resigned from their jobs the next day. Brigham Young did not ratify her degree and to this day are withholding it from her. However, that’s okay. The Lord encouraged her to write a book, which she finished in a week living in the Torwalts basement, because her and Colton were still engaged, and Everloving is currently #1 on the New York Times Best Selling List.

I knew about the book prior to publication. She wanted me to have a 5% royalty from the sales, but I said no. When I went to the campus bookstore to buy a copy, and found out her book was sold out, I regretted not taking her offer.

Melody clarifies things for the audience, “We had no idea he’d be here tonight. What are you doing here? Didn’t you graduate already?”

“I’m a senior this year.” I state. Anyone who reads her book learns her pregnancy encouraged her to graduate high school early online and she began college courses at Brigham Young over the summer. Upon her enrollment she took 20 credit hours a semester and whatever she could every summer, determined to be out of there as soon as possible, which enabled her to graduate her Junior Year as Salutatorian of her class. She was chosen as the key speaker for her exemplary community outreach, on campus contributions, and sexual assault activism.

“Right, I forgot I graduated early.” She giggles. Clearing her throat, “Anyways, this is Asher Lucas, who was a great friend to me high school and even with all my tricks and schemes stayed by my side for as long as he could. Asher, please explain why you did what you did?”

Colton hands me his mike. The bright lights are blinding but they help make the audience seem non-existent, which makes it easier to speak to the crowd. I never set out to date Melody. It would be rude to tell the truth, wouldn’t it? That I never wanted to talk to her. That I had to force myself to be cordial to her.

What do I say, Lord? I ask Him mentally.

The truth… He answers in my heart. I should have known that. God is big on the truth and anything hidden only remains hidden if God intends it to be a secret, but at some point, He reveals things.

The longer something stays a secret, the bigger and fancier the miracle is, after all, Christ was planned from the foundations of the Earth. His birth, his life, his ministry, his death, his resurrection, his ascension, and his yet to occur second advent… Clearly, Christ is the biggest, greatest, fanciest miracle to ever exist. Yes, exist, because he wasn’t created. He always was and always will be, He is eternal and all things were created through Him. Truth be told. All truth already exists and has yet to be revealed. Lies are created based on the truth. Life is one giant journey that begins in the dark, where everything is hidden from us, and we are to find the light in the pillars of truth placed in our midst.

I think I know what to say now.

“Um… I totally didn’t set out to date Melody Gartner. I had a severe allergy to Mormons at the time. Every time I came in contact with one, tell-tell symptoms of fear, judgement, and a critical spirit made my spiritual heart sick and believe-it or not, brought me closer to Christ. Before I could defend my faith to anyone Mormon, I needed to be reassured by Christ’s love that I knew Him personally, and my faith revealed more and more of Him daily…”

Melody opens the door and leaps to embrace me. Dressed to withstand the outdoors, in snow boots and a huge, ankle length jacket over her flannel pajamas, she steps outside to join me. Stuffing my hands back in coat pockets, I wish I brought my gloves today, then again no one really believed the weather man when he said it would snow after lunch today. The White Mountain usually doesn’t see snow until after Turkey Day, but this year winter came way early in mid-October.

“Thanks for coming by. I would invite you in, but it isn’t appropriate for us to be alone together.”

It’s 4:15 according to my phone. I tried to be here earlier, but there was an accident on the main road by school, traffic was backed up for over an hour and it was the only way out.

“Grab some essentials and come with me right now.”

Melody stares into the distance contemplatively. Conclusively, she crosses her arms and shakes her head no. “I’m gonna stay, Asher. I’ll be okay.”

The ambient crunching noise of car tires treading over mulch and dirt means I’m out of time. One car door slam, several rushed heavy steps, and the hum of angered breathing behind us moments later keeps me put just a little longer.

“Go inside, Melody,” Adam sternly commands. Father like son when it comes to demands.

Slowly, I turn around to face a mortal judge. A mortal judge that given the authority would kill me with a deathly glance.

“Adam, good afternoon.”

“Allow me to make this clear, you are no longer welcomed at our residence.”

“Sir, Melody is—,” Adam cuts me off giving me no room to speak.

“We will have papers drawn up relinquishing your rights to the child, so you don’t have to worry about anything. We’ll see to it that he or she gets a good home.”

“Tenor told me that Melody believes like my faith now, and—,” again, he interrupts me.

“Melody is just confused.”

“Sir,” I say and then regret it. He talks over me and hogs the attention.

“That night after she told us, I made it very clear, she wasn’t welcomed in this house if she didn’t respect our beliefs. She started packing her things. She set her cell phone, her driver’s and medical insurance cards on the table, and she was fixing to walk out the door with just a hoodie to keep her warm…” He pauses scratching the back of his neck, “She was mumbling that believing your way meant God would provide everything she and the baby would need. She wouldn’t listen to reason. She failed to remember the guidance of her religion…” Draping his head, he sighs. “I hate to say it, but that near miscarriage or that vanishing twin prevented my daughter from leaving my protection. That’s the providence of a god I serve.”

“But You can’t hold her against her will, Adam.”

Defensively, he jerks his head up and firmly aligns his gaze with mine, he states, “She is free to go whenever she wants, but if she is going to live in my house, eat my food, use my money, she is going to abide by my rules. She isn’t in school right now because the doctor prescribed bed rest. We talked it over, but when she is well enough, she will go be with my sister and her husband down in the Valley. We will place the child in adoption. The Bishop even has a few wonderful, faithful couples in mind. Then in the Fall, she will attend Brigham Young.”

Nothing can follow that up. He is in no positon to reason otherwise and for whatever reason Melody has seemingly agreed to his terms. Like I already knew, there is nothing I can do.

As I walk down the steps of the porch, Adam explains why I’m not welcomed in their home. Apparently, I’m home alone with his daughter too often, even though this is only my second offense, he is under the illusion we sneak around all the time.

Driving home I ask God why all this happening. Melody should be with me right now. If she went to all that trouble of lying in the first place, she wanted to keep her baby, and now her family won’t allow her to. She finally chooses Christ for real and now she’s trapped… I should be relieved. I should relax. I didn’t have to break up with her. I didn’t have to tell her I know she is a manipulator and a liar to her face. I’m entirely free from Melody Gartner drama in my life.

Yet, the burden on my heart for her is not lifted. Part of me wants to turn around, risk going to jail, and ask her to marry me just so has another option to leave. The other part of me realizes how dumb that would be… We’d be homeless and broke together facing the same issues she would out in the world alone.

These mixed emotions bring on tears, which blurs my sight, and therefore forces me to pull off on the side of the road to give me the chance to gather myself. I don’t even get why I’m crying. I didn’t even love Melody like that… At least I didn’t think I did. But it is true. I do love her. I care about her and I’m really scared she’ll go back to being Mormon. She doesn’t know enough about real Christianity to stay rooted in Christ. She doesn’t understand how to have dialog with God. She needs a body of believers to be her support system. She has yet to learn the power of prayer.

“Asher…”

I jerk to look in the back seat but no one is back there. I rub my eyes dry and look around outside but cars pass by on the left and the snow-kissed forest sits on the right. I check my phone to see if butt dialed anyone, but my cell isn’t on the line with anyone.

“Asher…” the same voice calls my name.

Am I crazy? Am I having a psychotic break or am I hearing the voice of God?

“I Am, Asher.”

That’s definitely a God answer. I would never call myself ‘I Am’ and that is God’s true name.

“Yes, I Lord.” I say back.

“Melody is my daughter.”

“I know.”

“Do you believe that Asher?” The LORD seems to question my honesty. He’s right, I don’t really believe Melody is totally saved. Most of her theology must still be predominantly Mormon.

The LORD adds, “I’m also Qanna. Melody is safe with me.”

“What does Kahn-Na mean?”

“Look it up. Exodus 34:14 is a good place to start. Or Google it.”

“Why can’t you just tell me? I asked you.”

The atmosphere in the car changes. My overloaded heart feels like a lightweight now. A joy sparks in my soul. I have peace and somehow, I’m certain everything will work out. I don’t know how. I certainly don’t fully understand why.

I’m so stoked I want to speed home. Treat 77 like the Audubon, but wisdom convinces me to remain a law-abiding citizen. I get back on the road, blast the worship music, and enjoy the experience of this victory in Christ that goes beyond words.

Okay, we all know 21st Century Americans (or any member of a first world country) love TV shows! Netflix, Hulu, and AmazonPrime are beloved streaming services people flock to for entertainment. For the Faith-Based Audience, we live off Pureflix and the Hallmark’s Movies app. But let’s keep it real… it’s because God taught us to see the good in anything, we can find satisfaction in Pureflix and Hallmark, because these are the avenues that give us grown up content without the nudity, the language, the gore, and the darkness. Yes, there is Vidangel that filters all the bad stuff out of “Game of Thrones” and “Stranger Things”, but is it really as good as the uncensored originals?

Programmers make content that the current society can relate to, and they do this to ensure people will watch their show. If programmers want to introduce something new to society, we now consider taboo, we will see it in comedic format until society catches up to this “something new” and having a drama with the content is palatable.

One of the first TV characters to have a baby, out of wedlock, on TV was Murphy Brown. “Murphy Brown” the TV show, was a comedy in the late 80s to mid 90s (it has been rebooted and cancelled after season one… not gonna lie… I prayed for that cancellation). Single mothers were common across America at the time. The programmers (producers, writers, directors, executives, etc.) addressed single mothers because they knew there were many out there and could relate to it. Also, think about the young women at the time who watched this show, and were raised to believe having kids out of wedlock was wrong… how many do you think decided maybe it wasn’t so bad if they had a kid outside marriage, and they made different life choices because of “Murphy Brown”?

Don’t twist my words… making choices based on what one sees on TV can be negative, but it can also be positive. Some may think, “No one makes life decisions based on TV and TV characters!”

I was on Instagram today, and one of my favorite actresses Olivia Wilde, made post about how proud she was of her bisexual character Alex Kelly on “The O.C.”. I literally read a comment where someone posted they realized they were gay because of her character on that show

Now, depending on what worldview lens you hold, will determine how interpret what I wrote above.

As a person with a Judeo-Christian perspective, I don’t agree the homosexual lifestyle can be lived out and lead to Heaven with the God of the Holy Bible. There is enough scripture in there to support my personal belief. Now, if you’re reading this and you don’t believe homosexuality will lead to eternal death, I’m not angry and I won’t try to convince you otherwise. If you want a better understanding of what I believe and why I believe it, please email me at justbriannamonique.blog@gmail.com. If I quote scripture on homosexuality such as the following:


Leviticus 18:22: Do not practice homosexuality, having sex with another man as with a woman. It is a detestable sin. (NLT)

Leviticus 20:13: If a man practices homosexuality, having sex with another man as with a woman, both men have committed a detestable act. They must both be put to death, for they are guilty of a capital offense. (NLT)

Romans 1:26-27: That is why God abandoned them to their shameful desires. Even the women turned against the natural way to have sex and instead indulged in sex with each other. (NLT)

1 Corinthians 6:9-11: Don’t you realize that those who do wrong will not inherit the Kingdom of God? Don’t fool yourselves. Those who indulge in sexual sin, or who worship idols, or commit adultery, or are male prostitutes, or practice homosexuality, or are thieves, or greedy people, or drunkards, or are abusive or cheat people –none of these will inherit the Kingdom of God. Some of you were once like that. But you were cleansed; you were made holy; you were made right with God by calling on the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God. (NLT)

Then I could be accused of using hate speech on social media and I don’t want to get removed from Facebook. I’m quoting from the sacred text that billions of people believe to be the WORD OF GOD, the One who MADE EVERYTHING. Now, what the WORD says may not sound awesome to embrace and may be contrary to how a lot of people feel and think, but in a world where definitions and truths are as fickle as feelings and ever changing, what my God says today is the same it was 4,000 years ago and that brings me peace.

[Let’s rabbit trail, and think on this for a moment… God is love (1 John 4 says so) and love that is unconditional will always do what is best for the other person, regardless of how that other person feels, thinks, or acts. However, we have learned as the human race, we don’t do anything unless we believe in what we’re doing and believe what we claim as truth as our reason for why we do what we do. We are like this, because God designed us to believe in Him, but if we miss Him, we will find anything else to believe in that makes ourselves feel good…

So God, who is LOVE, had awesome experiences with humanity for thousands of years, but no one could stay consistent in listening to Him. Through the founding fathers of faith (in Judaism), He gave guidance and instructions to live a blessed life and because God longed to connect with the rest of humanity, he asked Abraham and his descendants to live according to love and to live for others as opposed to living to self, which is vain and leads to death.

Think about circumcision? Men are less prone to diseases and less likely to spread diseases if they are circumcised. How loving is that? God wanted men and women to be in good health! I will spare us specific details of why, for all the adults reading this, you can think of why.

To help humanity out, and specifically His people out, God writes down His guidelines and His instructions to the Blessed Good Life. Anyone who reads it, believes it, and lives out their life upon what the WORD says will live a BLESSED GOOD LIFE (in the end, when you look back on their life).

If you look at the Kosher Diet, that some people in Judaism follow to the letter, living in a time without the FDA, antibiotics, probiotics, and weight loss pills… that diet is the best diet to live a long, prosper life way back in those Bible days.

The Ten Commandments may have had harsh penalties, but if we look at 8 of them, they all prevent people from doing bad things, if they abide by them. The first two, if those are followed, those people would never do anything bad because following God of the Bible didn’t ask for crazy rituals to be pleased…

Do you realize most pagan idols (gods) back then required human blood sacrifice, sexual orgies, eating raw animal meat, torturing people, killing animals, doing drugs, mutilating their own bodies, and who knows what other vile things?!

People back then lived by fear. If they were afraid of something or someone, they most likely didn’t do what would get them in trouble. To ensure the people Israel wouldn’t do super bad things, God made a super bad punishment knowing most people would be too afraid to go against that. And if you read the Bible, when the whole lot of Israel got disobedient, He just graciously exiled them from the Promise Land, he didn’t kill all of them and start again, He realized after Noah, that doesn’t really work (kidding… I think…).

God is GOOD. He is LOVE. His WORD is LIFE. Living by His SPIRIT does HELP US in our EVERY DAY LIVES.

End of rabbit trail.]

Again, why isn’t there anything good (suitable for believers) to watch on TV?

I think we settle for it.

We watch what we want because it gets us hooked and because we know the truth all the sin, all the falsehood, and all the blaspheme against God doesn’t affect us that much. If we’re solid in the WORD, solid in our PRAYER LIFE, and connected to the BODY these shows don’t impact us deeply. For some folks, watching a scene with nudity could lead them to falling in the area of lust and acting upon those lusts. Or watching a show with bad words could lead them to cuss. Apply a scenario you watch on a show and how you do similar things in real life.

I’m not telling anyone to quit all TV, but if you want a program that honors God, and puts what is good on display, free from deception and the grips of the enemy, then we need to let programmers know there is a demand for it and there will be an audience that watches it. But it starts with us writing emails to local networks and asking why isn’t there a primetime show safe to watch with your kids about doctors? Who would love a Shonda Rimes Drama free from the scandal – okay, probably no one because she does scandal so well she created a show called SCANDAL! Hopefully, you see my point!

Another thing we could do is pray… Pray for more content to be made not just for the enjoyment of believers but to spread the Gospel beyond using the Nativity Story and the Life of Jesus. (Be on the look out for Chosen TV on Vidangel. Yes, the creators of Vidangel are Mormon, excuse me, LDS, but the creators of Chosen TV are not. Dallas Jenkins is the creator and director and this series is going to be BETTER than the BIBLE SERIES because it is more Biblically accurate with consulting from Messianic Rabbis from Israel! The first season isn’t out yet, but it’s coming sooooooooooooooon).

Also, have such an appetite for the things of God that whatever you’re watching, you see Jesus in it or where Jesus is lacking!

Programmers will make what we want to see when we show them what we want. Maybe we’ll luck out and Sarah Drew and Chris Pratt will team up and create an AWESOME show that is faith inspired and faith based for Hulu or for Netflix, and everyone can’t stop talking about it because it is SO GOOD! (Yes, this is secret prayer of my heart…Oops, it’s not a secret anymore, where two or more are gathered, HE IS THERE!)



Feel free to comment below, I only ask that you remain respectful. If anyone has any personal questions or wants to know my testimony about being set free from gender dysphoria and then lesbianism, email me at justbriannamonique.blog and I’ll be more than happy to share how I was Transformed By God’s Love (LBGT backyards acronym).

ALSO, if you feel inspired to, SHARE THIS POST with whoever and wherever! I’m already grateful for the gift of writing, this blog platform WordPress, and apps like Canva and Adobespark that help me do all this. I give God the MOST GLORY (like all of it) because I wouldn’t be doing what I’m doing without His constant leading and prodding.

My meditation scripture for the foreseeable future is Psalm 23:5-6 (ESV):

You prepare a table before me
    in the presence of my enemies;
you anoint my head with oil;
    my cup overflows.
Surely[a] goodness and mercy[b] shall follow me
    all the days of my life,
and I shall dwell[c] in the house of the Lord
    forever.

And yes, I plan to meditate on these verses three times a day, every day. Normally, I would think such an act is “too religious”, but I found out Lindsay Lohan meditates three times a day and that is her “personal religion”. She made zero mention of a god or believing in an existing religion as hers. Who knows what she meditates on… maybe she thinks of something or maybe she empties out her mind.

But meditating with God’s Word is simple, it’s a matter of going over the verses for a few minutes and thinking on them. Soaking the verses in to the point you believe them.

If you ask me right now, “Hey Brianna, do believe in the Lord in the way David described Him in Psalm 23?” I would say, “yes”. But if you look at how I respond to certain circumstances in my life, no way… okay, maybe sometimes. But David was always saying out loud what he thought of God and who God was to Him in relation to how he saw the world. Many times, he received prophetic words about our coming Lord Jesus. So he wasn’t thinking of God in light of how He wanted to see God, he thought of God how the Lord revealed Himself to David. And for living as he did because he thought as he did, David became the man after God’s heart. David was after God’s heart. David was not ultimately after his own. 

Wow… rabbit trail two! I am definitely a woman, right?


To really sum it up, let’s make TV Networks give us more of what we want. Let’s watch less of the smut they are showing us and force them to create something that glorifies God, not exploit God. Be intentional what you stream, download, and tune into on TV.