We all know by now, I like to push the boundaries. In case you’re a first time guest, let me make it clear. I believe the Bible is authentically written by the Holy Spirit through humankind. I believe the only way to connect with the highest power known to creation is through Jesus, the Son of Man, and believing that he died on a cross, rose from the grave three days later, and ascended into heaven after 40 days with his disciples. I believe you must be born-again to have life beyond this life. I believe in the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit.
All that being said…
I approach stories in non-traditional ways, but don’t be fooled for a second I agree with common, modern world views. My perspective of life is based on my relationship with God and what He reveals to me to be true. I believe truth is absolute not relevant. I do not base my perspective solely on what I think is right, what is tolerable, and what is acceptable. I let God determine that for me through His Word, through His Spirit, and through the authorities I submit to, to shepherd me through life.
Though my life sounds very restricting, it is quite freeing.
I make this huge statement about my affiliation of faith, because I am afraid what some may think with this next series I’m launching.
It’s Sci-Fi. It’s set in the future. And it has a society that selects their gender around their 16th birthday. Sixteen-year-olds go on a “Gender Rumspringa” and by the time their 18, they make a final choice if their male, female, anything in between, and if they need surgical help to fit the gender they choose, the government pays for the procedure.
Truthfully, I struggled with gender identity from age 8 to age 21. I hated being female and slightly desired to be male. I questioned if it was okay to feel like I felt. I wondered if what I was raised to believe was wrong. I nearly thought a Christian could possibly be gay and go to heaven one day.
I never talked to another a Christian about what I was feeling or what I was thinking. Deep down I think I knew I would have faced a lot of rejection and/or a lot of tough love a bit too coarse for me to handle. Maybe not though. Maybe God would have led me to someone for help that could have set me free sooner. I’ll never know.
I’ve believed in God my whole life. I accepted Jesus when I was six. I prayed to him every night and especially when I was going through a hard time. He is the only One I trust sharing every part of myself with, so He is the only one I sought for answers with.
Towards the end of my gender dysphoria, I got closer and closer to God. I was plagued with nightmares at night. I felt a darkness follow me. I suffered from anxiety and panic attacks. I constantly struggled with my gender identity. The closer I got to God, the more I longed to reflect His image in the earth and I knew it was impossible to do as a transgender or a lesbian. Sure, I could have twisted scripture and lived life how I wanted to, but I wanted (and still want) to represent scripture honestly. I want to live my life according to how God says I should live it, because I trust that He loves me, and His way to live life is to give me what is best for me, for His people, and for His kingdom.
Not that I want to give the whole plot away for my soon coming story… But God intervenes and wins. If you’re a believer and don’t think you can handle the content, I respect that… If you’re not a believer, I encourage you to read the four part series. And think of God as a person waiting to build a relationship with you, not an abstract thought to pondered and to be figured out and I guarantee you’ll be on the path to meet Him. If you read His Word and start to believe it, you’ll meet Him, and once you know Him, there is no turning your back on Him because He will never turn His back on you!
Be sure to check out “I.D. SYNTHESIS” very soon.
I mean no sarcasm by the title of this post. I mean it plainly. I’m dreaming still believing that one day the things I desire most I’ll see become reality.
Dreaming has never been a challenge for me. Many dreams I dared to dream have already come true. As for the rest I can’t stay those dreams have died because the possibilities remains those dreams may manifest one day.
What becomes difficult is the disappointment when I thought I was on the home stretch to a dream come true… Of course, I wouldn’t face my disappoints if I didn’t clothe my expectation with my imagination of how I wanted the dream to become real. If only I anchored my hope in the mere thought that it will happen one day, inside feeling my mind with fluff on how that dream will occur and unfold in my life.
Exactly, what do I mean with my vague coded language?
Well, I have this deep desire and dream to make TV shows and movies one day. Whether that is acting or writing or producing or directing or all four. I was blessed with an incredible opportunity to work for Television Ministry while I finished college. My imagination ran wild with how that place was my stepping stone to something larger. I pictured so call making it one day, but out of respect and homage to the place that taught me everything I know, I would make incredible features for the Television Ministry… maybe even make movies for that place.
Yet, I took advantage of that place instead of learning all I could with humility and grace. I lost sight of what I was meant to focus on, and now I’m filled with remorse for my foolish mistakes and I regret I’m not still there.
At first, I prayed like crazy to go back. For there to be a sudden miracle in my favor granting me access to the place I took advantage of, but if that is to happen (I’m not ruling it out), it hasn’t yet.
I could sulk and have pity on myself for what I’ve lost. Or, I can go forward. Thank God for being there and thank God for what I learned, and remain grateful to the people who taught me what gleaned, and look to God to point me in the next direction.
I still dream of making TV shows and films. But I will not be like DiDi and GoGo waiting for Gadot to swoop in and change their lives. I will look over every word God has spoken to me, I will sit and meditate on His word, and when I know clearly which way I am to go, I’ll go that way.
These dreams placed in my heart simply aren’t for me. I wouldn’t have them for no solid reason other than what God has purposed for me fulfilling these dreams as I trust Him through the process. (Wow, that was a long sentence…)
The other day, when I realized I live to imagine the how-to-process to what-God-promises, I decided no more imagining how it will happen or even the things I’ll do when I arrive in the promise. I’ll simply trust in the Father. My how-to will no longer be cluttered with what I think or with what I want. My how-to will somehow happen as I walk out my relationship with Christ.
What is really great, truly… is that I wanted a higher education, without going into debt. I have three degrees, debt free. I got to work in Christian Television, which was my desire as a kid, and I never chased that opportunity down, God made that happen because I obeyed Him by going where He led me. I’ve never faced the heartbreak of bad, rotten romantic relationship, because I’ve listened to God about who not to date when the opportunities arose. I’m not homeless today because I trust God for provision (and I have great parents).
And maybe, just maybe I’ll never make TV shows and films one day (I really refuse to believe that), but as long as I make it to the maker on Judgement Day and He says, “Well done, thy good and faithful servant.” And He knows me when I arrive, well, than I know I lived the life He set in motion for me.
Dreaming still I must do, for if I don’t where other than Christ will I find my hope. If not for Christ, I wouldn’t have the dreams I still have because every day Jesus gives me a reason to live. I have breath in my body, I have my mind, I can physically move, and if I’m feeling down His presence lifts me up, and because I’m still here I still have an opportunity to fulfill the Great Commission. I still have a chance to share the good news.
Continue to be dreaming still…
So… it’s Monday and I should have all this fun info about Manuscript Monday, but I regret to inform you, I got nada!
It’s not that I wanted to come up empty, but the truth is, I did not prioritize enough and manage my time to make this post happen as I originally envisioned.
I could easily list all the reason why I couldn’t make the post I wanted. Those are excuses and incredibly immature to use for the validity of where I fell short.
I despise this phrase I’m about to use, but “I’m only human” and people often let others down. Hopefully, never on purpose… Trust this, I kept telling myself, “I’ll get to it- I’ll get to it”… so much it was an internal chant in my head.
However, a few hours ago, a really cool idea came to me in regards to a post about Manuscript Monday and I knew, rushing it would not be my best. I can’t afford to produce anything that’s just par, I need to create above and beyond! I need to operate in excellence. Therefore, I would rather be a let down right now, to produce the best I can give another day. Now, I can’t make this a habit, but in some cases, I believe there’s precedent to make an exception.
Thank you for reading!
If you’re not caught up on “Bussing It”, I suggest going back and starting at Part 1. The final part of #TBT Story Sunday Classic- “+Positively Unexpected” will post this Thursday! Don’t miss it! If you want, share your favorite part of any Story Sunday with a friend!
As you know, this blog is to build my dream of getting traditionally published and each post you read and share, brings me one step closer!
Got a dream too? Let me know in the comments, if there’s a link, share it and after I check it out, if I like it, I’ll share it everywhere and with everyone that I know! I’ll also pray for you (shall I feel led)!
In the “Death of Salesman”, Eugene O’Neill made one prolific point with his play- we die within ourselves when we give up on our dreams! Never stop dreaming and your dream will happen, especially when you trust in God to get it done! He placed a dream in you, that puts you on the path to your purpose in this world, failing to pursue it is a disservice to you as much as it is to the world!
Surround yourself with people that believe in you, encourage, but also tell you the truth when you need to hear it. Love others and regard them more important than yourself. Be grateful for what you have because it could be gone tomorrow (that includes your life). And do something great for someone in need, because the needy will always be amongst us. Also, if you’re not square with Jesus the Messiah yet, maybe you think he was a good teacher or prophet but in no way the Messiah… if you believe in God, I dare you to pray and I trust God will show you who His son is…
Look at the NT through OT glasses. “Feeding the Five Thousands:, in the Gospel of John, is the Exodus story. Also, look at who Jesus hung out with… not a single Gentile really… He even called a Jew to preach to the Gentiles, which means Jesus had mad respect for tradition and culture and heritage.
I could go on and on about that and maybe I will one day…
Maybe you don’t believe in God as a person and maybe you just believe in the universe or perhaps you believe in nothing… You stumbled upon this blog not by chance. It is God’s grace letting you read the Gospel, which is pretty much this: humanity was made to dwell with God. The enemy cut humanity off from God out of insatiable jealousy. Humanity went from blessed to cursed, because of free will, the first man chose to become like God apart from God, when the sad truth is he already was like God. He trusted what he saw not what God said. Listening to God is true righteousness. God says He sent His son-Jesus- to restore humanity to our original purpose, to dwell with Him and to know Him intimately. But, it comes at a price. The Blood Jesus gave us access to God, to give us grace, which gives the ability to walk in some lesser form of who humanity was originally called to be. When we recognize Jesus as our Redeemer, than we are set free from the curse of sin that alienated us from God and His ways. God’s Kingdom may be in the World, but it is nothing like the World. One day, on Earth 2.0, we will Dwell with God forever as He originally designed.
To be apart of this: sincere in your heart, pray to God and admit you’re a sinner and accept that Messiah Jesus died for you, and from there Trust and Believe in God forever and always. The Holy Spirit seals you forever and you spend the rest of your life running a challenging race to stay faithful. You’ll never have to buy God’s love or earn His grace, but by changing how you think, and changing how you act, shows you can do something the first man failed to do with His free will…: you can show God that you Trust Him and you Trust His process! (If you prayed to receive the Lord Jesus- find a church that preaches the Bible, move in the Holy Spirit, and is filled with loving members. I pray now the Spirit of God leads you there. I also pray you find a mentor to be discipled by in your faith. WELCOME TO THE BEST FAMILY EVER MADE!//If you didn’t pray this prayer, that’s okay, you’re free to choose. I am biased, but I stand by my decision, Jesus is the BEST FRIEND I’VE EVER HAD and the only ONE I TRUST MY LIFE WITH COMPLETELY. I would die for Him- hoping I don’t have to though.)
Until next time, I bid all of you adieu!
If you’ve been following my social media (BriAnna Monique or briannamonique.blog on FB, bri____monique on IG, and @BriMoniqueWill on Twitter), then you may have seen some videos about #ManuscriptMonday: my hustle to publish a book. I’ve been talking about it since August and it is October with nothing to show for it. What is the goal exactly?
Every Monday, I’m going to post something pertaining to the book I’m piecing together to submit to a publisher. Originally, I was got to post one chapter a week. Each week I would open the floor for readers to comment and give feedback so I could make necessary tweaks to make it even better. I got this idea from my time with the Holy Spirit and seeking God about what to do on my blog. I found out a few weeks ago, authors are starting share pieces of their content to fans to get feedback. That’s what is amazing about being connected to God, He gives you wisdom and insight about things you know nothing about.
Now, as I’m preparing to launch #ManuscriptMonday, I’m thinking of expanding this idea. First, I’ll share a synopsis of the book. Next, I’ll share the characters and their backstories. Then, I’ll unleash their story, chapter by chapter every week. Now, I’m aware I may not get the feedback I’m seeking. That just means my friends will be subjected to reading my story and giving me feedback. I may need to find a writer’s group. And, I may need to pay an editor to take one final glance, but whatever happens… I believe all my work will not be in vain and I have faith this Manuscript will be Published!
My heart is traditional publishing, which is crazy because self-publishing has wildly successful testimonies, but to me you’re not a real author unless you have a literary agent and a traditional publishing deal. Plus, I truly feel in my heart these stories I come up with are meant to shape and impact lives, therefore, I want the mass platform traditional publishing has to get these stories out there for people.
Now, I pray that’s not my pride talking, and after struggling for so long to publish a book… I’m ready to surrender this dream to God and let Him guide me where He wants to take me with it.
Since this is the first #ManuscriptMonday related post on the blog, I will reveal the title, the genre, and what gave me the idea for this story.
Title: Girls of Grace
Genre: Young Adult Christian Fiction
It was 2012, and I was living in Tucson, Arizona with my dad going to Pima Community College. At the time, I was going to a small Baptist Church with a couple of my college friends. One day, on the evening news, a young woman was sexually assaulted on the U of A campus by a cab driver. The young woman had called the cab directly instead of calling the company for a cab driver. She was only trying to get from one side of campus to the other side of campus quicker.
For some reason, I thought about the friendship of four young women… two in high school and two in college and their daily Christian walk. One was a new believer overcoming fornication. One was the associate pastor’s daughter and was perfect in public but never shared with anyone her private doubt about faith. Another was in college and newly engaged to the pastor’s son. And the fourth was completely faithful, sold out for Jesus, enjoying her singlehood. Yes, all for of these girls were based off someone I knew, and one was myself.
Over time, the story shifted and became 3 girls. I got rid of the character that was supposed to be like me. Lauren, who was the associate pastor’s daughter soon became modeled after the U of A victim I heard about on the news. I combined an event similar to that with the story of my grandmother. When my grandmother was 20, he was drugged by her date, driven over state lines, and raped which led to my mother being conceived. Her assailant was never prosecuted because her family didn’t want to deal with the shame it brought to her family so publicly. She was going to place my mother in adoption, but she felt led by the Lord not to do it, and she raised my mother. To this day, my grandmother is dealing with pain of that event over 50 years ago.
I wanted to tackle such a hard issue because I know women who have gotten abortions because they were raped. Sexual assault is awful. The assailant should be prosecuted every time, even if the victim has zero chance of getting justice, at least someone tried to do something and there would be a record for next time.
In my beginning draft, that I never completed before changing the concept again, Lauren got aggressively sexually assault, to where her assailant nearly killed her, and when in the hospital receiving treatments for her wounds, she refuses to take the morning after pill, the abortion pill, simply because of her beliefs. I decided she would end up pregnant from the attack. I teetered between whether or not she would place the child in adoption or keep the child.
The overall theme was to display grace working in the lives of these three friends as they lived life together.
As I work on this latest version for #ManuscriptMonday, it remains to be seen if I keep that subplot for Lauren or not.
I got the title for Girls of Grace, while I was house sitting and listening to music on satellite TV. It would give facts about the music artists while their song played. A song about grace was playing by Point of Grace from their album Girls of Grace. In the fact info, it said they made the album Girls of Grace for teen girls as they face the woes of adolescence. Taking a cue from them, I wanted my book to help girls like their music. The music group also had Baptist roots and since the girls in my book were Baptist, I found it very fitting to use the name of the album for the book.
Some of the members, from Point of Grace, actually have written a book Girls of Grace and have a summer camp with that title for young ladies to encourage them through faith at such a difficult time in their life. Fortunately for me, it is totally okay to have books with the same name, just not movies, unless they have changed that law recently.
Next Monday, I’ll share the official synopsis and the characters, but I promise not to give the plot away.