What Made Me Prone to Stray

On September 18th, 2020, I shared a hard truth about my experience at Valor Christian College and World Harvest Church on social media.

I hinted that with all the struggle I endured, the Bible College and that ministry weren’t solely to blame.

Let me be real. I was at fault too. If I were rooted in the truth, I either wouldn’t have fell for the deception that bound me or I just would have left when I recognized God wasn’t in that place.

Yes, that is a bold statement for me to make. To say God isn’t in a Bible College or a Ministry. I say that because of the false doctrine and the false gospel that World Harvest Church promotes. I think people who truly love the Lord and seriously pursue Jesus go to the Bible College and/or attend the ministry, but it makes me wonder what makes these people stay? That I may never know the answer to.

GROWING UP

I grew up in a Christian household, but I didn’t live a Christian childhood. I watched whatever I wanted. I slept over at friend’s houses who were boys. In high school, I took three sex ed classes. I hardly ever went to church. Most of the time, when my mom wanted to take me to church, I found excuses not to go. I never read the Bible because it was boring and I wasn’t taught to revere God, therefore, I couldn’t begin to revere God’s Word. 

Though I loved Jesus with all my heart, and I prayed to Him every night (nearly). I was a liar. I was selfish. I was a glutton. I was a manipulator. I struggled with masturbation. I was battling gender dysphoria and I experienced same-sex attraction. I was nowhere close to living a saved lifestyle.

I was 14 years old when my mother did something that broke my heart. The anger I had for her made me pray a bold prayer. I told God I would grow up and never talk to her if she didn’t change before I was 18 and went off to college. 

Then, a miracle happened. I was 17-years-old, six months shy of my 18th birthday, and my mom changed. She changed in a good way. She actually became a godly person and I saw a new creature. [You can listen to Episode 4 of Jesus Stories the podcast to hear her incredible testimony.]

Seeing God transform my mother sparked a desire in me to get even closer to Jesus. I followed my mother’s method. She was reading her Bible daily. I started reading the Bible more. She went to church every service, every week. I went to church with her when she offered.

I still didn’t quite experience anything deep with God, but I felt like I was on a good course to get there soon.

BEFORE VALOR

Then, after I turned 18, I was about to start college for the first time. I got hit with the worst anxiety of my life. I also experienced whacked out things with my health and  I was scared I was dying.

Suddenly, I had this desire to live a life that honored God. I didn’t want to die without finishing all the things He wanted to do through my life.

This led me down a journey to get free from the physical pain and the anxiety. [I talk about that journey a bit on my podcast Jesus Stories Episode 3.]

At 18 years old, I stopped living off the faith of my grandma and I started building my own.

In the beginning, it was beautiful and I felt like I was on a mountain top with a euphoric atmosphere.

That amazing time lasted for three weeks, and my lack of discipline killed my passion to grow in Christ because life battles came at me and Jesus didn’t offer a quick, easy solution to fix these life woes.

My mom changed churches, we won’t divulge why but surprisingly it had nothing to do with church hurt.

She was going to a Word of Faith church in Tucson, AZ called Faith Christian Fellowship of Tucson. It was rumored for being a cult church, but my mom was a new creature, and she actually was following Jesus… she couldn’t be going to a cultish church, right? 

Great people. My experience with them for the most part was overall good. I didn’t really experience any church hurt with them. Then again, I was really guarded around them. From 2010 to 2020 I went there, and I didn’t serve at the church until 2018 after I came back from Ohio. I also never joined and became an official member of this church.

THE NATIVE AMERICAN INDIAN RESERVATION DAYS

The only church I am officially a member of is Canyon Day Assembly of God in Whiteriver, Arizona on the Fort Apache Reservation, and I only became a member because it was the only way I could be on the worship team. Purely selfish intentions, but I was super guarded at that church and I prevented myself from getting too close, but even then, I faced some church hurt that was really not intentional. The worship leader just thought I was coming for her position and jealousy took over. Granted, I wasn’t always the most respectful, but what can I say, we were both guilty of treating each other poorly.

I lived with my mom on the Fort Apache Reservation from 2013 until 2015. During this time, I read books by Kenneth E. Hagin, the Father of the Word of Faith Movement. Melissa Dougherty, a YouTube Apologist, has a great video on why WOF is heretical and explains the roots. [Here’s the link if you want to watch: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-eQYJf0gcDQ&t=661s ] Now members of the WOF Movement will argue the church has always been in error in every age since Jesus died.

Scripture says Jesus is coming back for a blemish free church… pretty sure we’re supposed to be without heresy. Heresy is a dirty blemish if you ask me. I could rabbit trail here about the meaning of a blemish free church, but I won’t (I’ll save it for another blog post).

Reading Kenneth E Hagin’s book on “The Anointing” and “Prayer” took me down the vortex of deception that I’m still healing from.

I got super into hearing prophetically from the Holy Spirit. Oh, I was introduced to Bethel Music too, and that didn’t help.

I decided to become a little miss prophetess. I was determined that my friends who wanted nothing to do with God would know Jesus. I would pray, fast, and worship for these folks to be saved. I would allow my own thoughts to become “words from God” and I wasted time and money to go on trips to attempt to save my friends. There were times I showed up on one friend’s door unexpectedly to try to force her to believe in Jesus again.

Now, some “spirit” was accurate about some facts about my unsaved friends that I was on a crusade to win for Jesus. (I think it was a spirit of divination because it was only accurate in part with some information, but I’m still unpacking what was from God, from me, or from a false spirit in that time.)

During this time on the mountain, I began to form theology based on false doctrines like the Prosperity Gospel, Word of Faith, Charismatic, Prophetic Ministry etc. I’ll probably have to write a seperate post to break down why all of that is wrong. During this time, this type of theology made me an anxious, doubtful, short-tempered, self-centered, depressed person. My faith became very performance-driven and I felt like God wasn’t satisfied with me very much.

I thought going to Valor would remedy how I felt and turn me into someone God would be pleased with, but as we all know, only God can transform us into the masterpiece He intends us to be and nothing or no one else can. Plus, I was convinced, through the experiences I had, that God was calling me to Valor Christian College.

And though the jury is still out on that, I don’t recommend people make major life decisions the way I made a choice to go to Valor Christian College. And why do I say going to Valor still could have been a God-thing?

Well, I learned how to become a better singer and a musician there and I always wanted to learn those things. I also learned things about working in Television that I am beyond grateful for, I was able to tour PBS studios on the University of Arizona campus and know my way around the equipment. I will forever be grateful to Valor Christian College and World Harvest Church for helping me learn those skills. I could not have learned what I did there at a secular institution, because grown adults must be skilled musicians and singers to go to college for that. I also wouldn’t have enjoyed learning the ropes of television at a secular college. I had a chance to work for a news station in Tucson and I turned it down after talking to some people working there. Not a fan of that type of atmosphere.

Then, there is this strange tidbit– of all the famous heretical teachers of God’s Word, Rod Parsley can preach a biblically based salvation sermon. He won’t shy away from talking about hell. Though I don’t know the man, in my opinion, I think his salvation messages really lead to people connecting with God.

And for some reason, people with the most sincere hearts for Christ pick Parsley’s Bible College to attend.

Then again, I fight really hard to see the good in people. I don’t like to think someone could be lost until they die, even then I’m like, “Maybe on their deathbed they repented and turned to Christ Jesus for real.”

THE VALOR YEARS

YEAR 1

When I arrived at Valor Christian College, I never heard a single sermon by Rod Parsley and I had no clue who his daughter Ashton was. Yet, I stepped on campus and felt called to spend the rest of my life at that ministry. A few weeks into the semester, right after I got my work study job as Breakthrough Ministries’ TV Admin Assistant (I was an assistant to an assistant), I’m outside near the cornfield “hearing from the spirit” that I am going to become best friend’s with Miss Ashton and help her build a media empire for Jesus.

My first year at Valor, I suddenly accepted preachers I never trusted before as acceptable to listen to because they were featured on Breakthrough TV or they preached on the World Harvest Church stage. 

One of those preachers was Perry Stone. I forgot what event he came for, but it was for something and he gave a message on decreeing and declaring, but he emphasized that you have to really decree and declare things connected to your destiny so it will come to pass. Rod Parsley would more simply say ‘we have the ability to direct divine activity’.

I thought working for the ministry and serving Miss Ashton was imperative to fulfill my call and destiny on the planet. Every time, I had “devo time”, which was really just me stopping whatever I was doing to let “the spirit” speak to my heart, I believed I heard the “spirit” tell me future things about my destiny. I became so desperate over time for my destiny to occur that I wrote down prayers decreeing and declaring what I believed my destiny was, trying to manifest my destiny in the Body of Christ. 

I got so twisted that I made a powerpoint that was not only like a vision board but it was also about prophetic things to come to pass in the Parsley Family. I’m pretty sure if I was a man, this weird “spirit” would have said I was Miss Ashton’s future husband (and believe me a few male Valor students get this notion).

Y’all, I lost my mind! And this stuff is probably a major shock to you. That’s because I hid it well. I would wrap these prayers (written on Seriously TV branded stock paper) in PRP prayer cloths (given to me from set because there were loads laying around). The powerpoint was on a password protected flash drive.

You would think my urge for secrecy would tip me off that what I was doing was whack and was wrong but it didn’t. Deception makes it hard to see clearly.

I mainly kept it secret because there were some students who couldn’t hide the “crazy faith” and they were either removed from campus or treated like a pariah on campus. I wanted neither to happen to me. Yet, because my faith became performance-driven, I was convinced I had to do the “looney stuff” because the “spirit” was leading me to do it.

I joined Remnant, the performing arts group, because I needed to get in Miss Ashton’s inner circle. 

YEAR 2

I joined dorm leadership to prove I was worth joining the Parsley inner circle.

Probably, the most demonic thing that happened to me was being raped by a demon over several months my second year. Before this happened, I thought God revealed who my future husband was, and yes, I did the-weird-written-prayers-wrapped-in-a-prayer-cloth-thing. But the demon rape didn’t occur until after a certain guest chapel preacher came and laid hands on me during prayer ministry. 

Even though my gut said, “Don’t let this person lay hands on you,” I had to because the minister requested to pray for all of the dorm leadership. If I refused to accept prayer by this person, I would have been a bad example, and I would have been found unsubmissive to leadership. Because if I questioned the guest preacher, that would mean I was questioning the judgement of the ministry’s leadership, and no one did that. The ministry leadership had perfect discernment and were never wrong about other ministers being of sound preaching and what not.

After this preacher laid hands on me, I was down on the ground wailing (which I never did before, and heat was clawing around in my belly and consumed my entire body). I felt different after that chapel service.

I went straight to my dorm room. I had a headache and I felt sick, but I also felt compelled to write another prayer about me and my future husband (who definitely had no interest in me, I didn’t really have an interest in him, come to think of it). This guest preacher had given us “anointed cloths” they prayed over and I took my cloth and wrapped this new hubby prayer in it.

I had to go do some errands for dorm leadership, so I left to go to the building that held classes and I ran into a friend in the library. She told me about this book of an ex witch/bride of Satan being a worship leader at Bethel and how Bethel was filled with witches on the worship team. My friend then told me that Satan will have witches send demons to rape women to mess with their destiny and to prevent them from meeting their future husbands.

Now, I haven’t done any research about witchy Bethel singers, but the next day, I felt something mess with me (yes, it was the first day the demon raped me). However, because this encounter occurred when I was in a time of prayer, I was duped by the “spirit” this was something that needed to happen to guarantee my future hubby and I would be together.

“Bri, how could have you believed any of this was God?” 

Trust me, there were so many layers to the false doctrine I was deceived into believing I excused this perversion and convinced myself it was a ‘God-Thing’ doing a ‘New-Thing’.

Don’t worry, confessing the issue to my mom and prayer stopped this, but it took me a while to get there.

I’d like to say this is where it got better, but it didn’t.

YEAR 3

My third year, I got a promotion in dorm leadership (I applied for it) and in the beginning of the year, I was in line to be over the ladies dorm if the Resident Director was away. 

I sort of stopped writing down prayers and wrapping them in prayer cloths because of the rape demon experience. I didn’t make any more vision powerpoints past my first year.

I prayed more and read my bible more, yet, I had new foes. Extreme anxiety and fear and depression. I allowed the anxiety to turn me into a bad worker for my TV Department work study job. I let the depression keep me in my bed asleep every chance I got. Most days, I was just going through the motions. I didn’t even bother to expect miracles or to hope for breakthrough because I was so discouraged from SO MANY UNANSWERED PRAYERS.

On top of all that, I let the “spirit” tell me I couldn’t trust certain leaders. That is why I never went to them with my issues. Yet, these leaders were such excellent vessels of discernment I thought they would have a “Jesus with the Samaritan Woman at the Well” moment and read my mail from a “word of knowledge” and deliver me. That moment never came, no matter how much I prayed for such a moment.

By April, I was removed from dorm leadership because I was unsubmissive to my leadership. This happened in a week I felt like I was led by God and I was getting all this revelation… I was trying to pursue a position that would keep me at Valor after graduation.

At this point, I wasn’t sure of anything, but I saw so many students endure so much pain and mistreatment I wanted to change things. I wanted to secure a position to stay with the ministry after graduation to change things. I still believed I would become friends with Ashton Parsley, but I thought as colleagues, nothing close like I once did in the beginning. I hoped I would be able to influence Miss Ashton to make sure the necessary changes would be made.

I should also add my second year I got access to her personal email and though I only emailed her occasionally, when the “spirit” led me, every email was an attempt to get close to her. To convince her I had to be in her inner circle. After I graduated though, an assistant of hers emailed me and said she no longer used the email personally.

AFTER VALOR

I still didn’t stop there. Occasionally, I direct-messaged her on Instagram. I think I did that up until last March.

I’m not sure teachings on Jezebel spirits and witches within the church are accurate, but when I messaged her on IG I believed they were at the time.

And though she was probably wise enough to see through that hogwash, I hope, it was flat out wrong to do. For that, I am sincerely sorry.

What changed? What led to my deliverance? I heard one truth in God’s Word I wished I learned in Sunday School. Ironically, I learned about it from a false teacher, Andrew Wommack. [He brought up his Bible College– Charis– and implied they had issues Valor had with students, and now, I am even more convinced that is because of the false doctrine both colleges teach.]

Let’s rehash… I was prone to stray because I was after experience instead of trusting God’s Word. I was looking to people in ways only God can be for the believer. I wasn’t praying biblically. I wasn’t reading my Bible enough. This was a perfect combo to get me to fall for the false doctrine promoted by Valor, the guest speakers at World Harvest Church, and on Breakthrough TV.

I can confidently say today that no “spirit” prompts me to do any of the weird stuff I confessed in this post. I haven’t dealt with any demons (to my knowledge). 

Though my theology has been completely wrecked, it has been for the best! I am super grateful to the Lord He saved me, yet again! I am thankful that He never gives up on us and that His love always wins.

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Coming soon on Confessions of a Valor Alumna, I will map out the false doctrines and the false gospel and share why these beliefs build a toxic church and Bible College atmosphere.