I mean no sarcasm by the title of this post. I mean it plainly. I’m dreaming still believing that one day the things I desire most I’ll see become reality.
Dreaming has never been a challenge for me. Many dreams I dared to dream have already come true. As for the rest I can’t stay those dreams have died because the possibilities remains those dreams may manifest one day.
What becomes difficult is the disappointment when I thought I was on the home stretch to a dream come true… Of course, I wouldn’t face my disappoints if I didn’t clothe my expectation with my imagination of how I wanted the dream to become real. If only I anchored my hope in the mere thought that it will happen one day, inside feeling my mind with fluff on how that dream will occur and unfold in my life.
Exactly, what do I mean with my vague coded language?
Well, I have this deep desire and dream to make TV shows and movies one day. Whether that is acting or writing or producing or directing or all four. I was blessed with an incredible opportunity to work for Television Ministry while I finished college. My imagination ran wild with how that place was my stepping stone to something larger. I pictured so call making it one day, but out of respect and homage to the place that taught me everything I know, I would make incredible features for the Television Ministry… maybe even make movies for that place.
Yet, I took advantage of that place instead of learning all I could with humility and grace. I lost sight of what I was meant to focus on, and now I’m filled with remorse for my foolish mistakes and I regret I’m not still there.
At first, I prayed like crazy to go back. For there to be a sudden miracle in my favor granting me access to the place I took advantage of, but if that is to happen (I’m not ruling it out), it hasn’t yet.
I could sulk and have pity on myself for what I’ve lost. Or, I can go forward. Thank God for being there and thank God for what I learned, and remain grateful to the people who taught me what gleaned, and look to God to point me in the next direction.
I still dream of making TV shows and films. But I will not be like DiDi and GoGo waiting for Gadot to swoop in and change their lives. I will look over every word God has spoken to me, I will sit and meditate on His word, and when I know clearly which way I am to go, I’ll go that way.
These dreams placed in my heart simply aren’t for me. I wouldn’t have them for no solid reason other than what God has purposed for me fulfilling these dreams as I trust Him through the process. (Wow, that was a long sentence…)
The other day, when I realized I live to imagine the how-to-process to what-God-promises, I decided no more imagining how it will happen or even the things I’ll do when I arrive in the promise. I’ll simply trust in the Father. My how-to will no longer be cluttered with what I think or with what I want. My how-to will somehow happen as I walk out my relationship with Christ.
What is really great, truly… is that I wanted a higher education, without going into debt. I have three degrees, debt free. I got to work in Christian Television, which was my desire as a kid, and I never chased that opportunity down, God made that happen because I obeyed Him by going where He led me. I’ve never faced the heartbreak of bad, rotten romantic relationship, because I’ve listened to God about who not to date when the opportunities arose. I’m not homeless today because I trust God for provision (and I have great parents).
And maybe, just maybe I’ll never make TV shows and films one day (I really refuse to believe that), but as long as I make it to the maker on Judgement Day and He says, “Well done, thy good and faithful servant.” And He knows me when I arrive, well, than I know I lived the life He set in motion for me.
Dreaming still I must do, for if I don’t where other than Christ will I find my hope. If not for Christ, I wouldn’t have the dreams I still have because every day Jesus gives me a reason to live. I have breath in my body, I have my mind, I can physically move, and if I’m feeling down His presence lifts me up, and because I’m still here I still have an opportunity to fulfill the Great Commission. I still have a chance to share the good news.
Continue to be dreaming still…